To Love Fiercely, Wanting Nothing Else
By
Kimber An
I’m sure you’ve all heard the line, “It’s better to give than receive.” For most of us for most of our lives, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Giving means money out of my pocket that I could have spent on myself, right? It’s like when I was a kid and I figured out, on my own, that Santa Claus was not real. The way I deduced this was by the parental propaganda that if I was a good little girl, Santa would bring me presents. All I had to do was look around at all the bullies and brats and monstrous creeps who got tons more cool presents than I ever did and realize that line was a crock. It was plain to me the exact opposite was true.
Being nice instead of nice simply left me unnoticed.
(Psst, little wonder I was totally floored by the lesson in how important it is to ‘catch a child being good,’ which I learned at the English Nanny & Governess School decades later.)
But, I digress.
So, what does it really mean
I think most of time it is just parental propaganda, but once you experience and fully feel the reality of it you will know that it can be profoundly true too.
To love fiercely, wanting nothing else, gratitude is essential.
Gratitude is very difficult, young and old, to comprehend. Yes, it’s true that the only appropriate response to receiving a gift is a smile and a hearty ‘Thank you!’
Most people, myself included, can’t truly feel grateful unless they’re first deprived of the basics, Food, Clothing, Shelter, or Human Rights.
For greater clarification:
Getting a metallic blue Nintendo DS for Christmas instead of the metallic pink Nintendo DS you really wanted is not being deprived.
Being cold day after day when you go to school where you’re bullied because you have no coat and only raggy clothes to wear is being deprived. When this person suddenly receives a warm, beautiful new coat, she suddenly and fully comprehends what it means to be grateful.
You feel it with your entire being and, here’s the important part, you want to share this glorious feeling with those who’ve suffered similarly. That’s why the previously poor tend to give more to charity than those who have always been rich.
My personal lesson in gratitude happened after I suffered a miscarriage. I was absolutely devastated, but I couldn’t cry. I’d learned, as a child that it would just annoy people and then they would be mean to me. For two years, I was miserable and terrified of getting pregnant again, and I couldn’t cry.
I’d hear other parents complain, “My teenager is driving me crazy!” And I’d say, “I wish Angelica was a teenager driving me crazy, because then she’d be alive.” Those parents kind of just shut-up and went away.
Then, one day I got pregnant again anyway.
The sudden rush of hormones completely unhinged my buried feelings and I was finally able to cry for Angelica. There was no stopping the tears. It was Christmas time and I was completely consumed by the most glorious feeling of gratitude. There was absolutely nothing else in all of creation I wanted. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I only wanted my baby to live. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t pretty, smart, or talented. I didn’t care if she had Down’s Syndrome (I was at high risk to have a Down’s baby) or was fat, skinny or had three horns growing out of a huge, twisted nose. I already knew she was perfect for me, even if the rest of the world said she wasn’t.
I loved my baby and all my babies fiercely and I wanted nothing else. It was the most joyous Christmas of my entire life!
My Christmas Wish for all of you is that you won’t need to suffer tragedy in order to see all the goodness around you. Maybe your family is not ideal and there’s nothing you can do about it. But, your imagination is your own and it is glorious and beautiful. You can create your own happiness.
Contest Question: Where did Kimber An learn the importance of ‘catching a child being good?’
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